But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
