everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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