I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
