what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
