I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
