final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
