I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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