I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
