Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
