I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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