Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
