She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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