my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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