i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
