I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
