I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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