sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize