I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
