this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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