I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
