My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
