There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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