I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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