So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
