Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
