Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
