Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
