I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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