Im at strip club and am horny
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
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i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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