I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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