The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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