my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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