Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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