I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
