so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
