I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
