dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
