He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just blew my weed a kiss
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
