There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
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No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
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there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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