girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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