1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
