I met the friendliest cop last night
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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