You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
