is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
