so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
