Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize