my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize