It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
