Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
