i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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