i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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