I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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