Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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