My liver just broke up with me...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
