Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
