Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
