Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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