FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
