I molested 6 butterflies tonight
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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