i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
