there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
