I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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