Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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