I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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