piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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