I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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