The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You took a bar mat shot.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
