Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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